i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
