I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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