I forgot how hot balto sounded
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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