Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is the high leading the old right now
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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