PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
