he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need to sanitize my soul.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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