All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
