Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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