ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
