Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
be right there i have to get my cape
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
