then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
