And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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