So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
