you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
