I need help removing her.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
