Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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