Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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