No more Irish car bombs ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
