Just cropdusted the office
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
