i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
