NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
