If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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