Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
then he tried to convert me to islam
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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