i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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