we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
