no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
