Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
