Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She is in my trunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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