I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize