Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize