That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
