Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
PANTIES FOUND
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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