remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
