you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think my mom watched the whole time
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
