Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
