my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
