This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize