So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this boner is exhausting
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
