I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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