She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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