I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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