i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't think brook has ever known best
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
