Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
