Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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