i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
