Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is wine microwaveable?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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