Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
