i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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