You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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