I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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