maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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