maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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