can we get nightvision for the apartment?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
