Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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