i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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