Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
