just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
