My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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