the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
