i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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