I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize