weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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