my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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