Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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