dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
