If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
