Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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