i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
