somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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