My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
