And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
