Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
