If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
