I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
